im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
