I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
