her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
