it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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