I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
