he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
