I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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