Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
