Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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