mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize