Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
