Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
