nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
