I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
