it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
