I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
