Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize