wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We named our party play list daddy issues
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
