That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
