Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
