so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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