She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
