My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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