It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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