Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize