I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
