dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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