I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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