he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
