Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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