i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize