Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
