i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
