"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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