i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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