SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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