and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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