Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
