its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
