we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
