he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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