capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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