My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
