It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
