Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
