New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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