I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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