I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
