Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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