I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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