I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I need a burrito and a hug.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
