You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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