so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
