Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
