This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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