What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
