she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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