We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
