We won't sleep together?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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