ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i love accidental penises.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
