just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
