obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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