white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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