My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
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