So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
