I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
