When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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