Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
