Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i believe in u and ur pee
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize