the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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