Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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