I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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