you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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