You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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